Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Losing the baby weight and why it doesn't matter

I started blogging, because I thought it would be a fun way to document great family memories-- because I am horrible at keeping a journal. But then I also want to blog, because I have learned a few lessons that have proven to be more than a blessing in my life and it would be selfish of me to not share what I have learned-- just hoping that somewhere out there I can help someone. With this goal in mind, I am going to be as honest and open as I can be. When I was in high school I struggled with  my weight. There is a stereotype that all women worry about their weight and it's just a stupid thing that they need to get over. That couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is-- some women have a mental disorder that manifests itself through eating disorders. I remember the exact moment that I decided that I wanted to be skinny and that I was going to do everything I could to achieve that. I was on an airplane flying from Japan to Utah for summer break and I was flipping through a people magazine and I saw someone that, to me, looked flawless. I wanted that. I was so tired of not being happy with the way that I felt in my clothes that I decided then and there that I was going to do something about it. I sat down in my seat and when the food was brought to us I only ate the salad part and drank water. It felt good, but it wasn't enough. Days went by and I dropped calories, I took laxatives (So hard to admit this by the way), I exercised 2 times a day. Guess what... I started losing weight. It felt good, but then it became an obsession. It affected my friendships, I wasn't happy because I couldn't enjoy food or be normal in social situations. My mind started to play tricks on me and I refused to eat a whole orange one day... it didn't even phase me. Why am I telling you this? I wasn't happy. I might have "looked good" in my mind, but like I said it was an unhealthy lifestyle. It lasted about 2 years. One day my sweet father came into my room to check up on me. He was in tune enough to know that I needed help-- I needed to put my life back into perspective. If you know my Dad, you know that he is a very spiritual man. He always would correct me or teach me by using scriptures. I wasn't hesitant this time to listen to what he wanted to share with me, because I just wanted to be happy. After all, isn't this the purpose of life? To be happy? He opened up the Bible to 2nd Timothy 1:7 and proceeded to read me this, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I was trying to have power by controlling my eating and in turn I lost power, I lost love, and I didn't have a sound mind. That moment changed me forever. That was the moment that I began to heal and allowed God to lead me through life. It took a lot of habit forming and mind changing, but I healed. This can be applied to any struggle, any addiction, any trial. I believe that we have been given trials to make us stronger and in turn they can even become our strength. Today I hardly think twice about what I am eating. Sure, I like to eat healthy. Mainly because I know that my body is no longer my own and what I eat will affect my daughter who depends on me for nourishment. But it was just as simple as me choosing in one moment to throw away my negative thoughts and bad habits and to love myself. It's ok to love yourself, because you are a son or daughter of God. You are precious and your life is meant to be enjoyed. Yes, we have trials and sometimes they seem like that are too hard to bear. I can promise you that whatever it is that is bringing you down... you can overcome it. I did. And I continue to do so as I have trials and face them with more confidence knowing that God is on our side. Don't forget that you are BEAUTIFUL. Some of the most beautiful people (to me) are those who are kind, willing to listen, humble, teachable, funny, forgiving, loyal, trustworthy. It doesn't have anything to do with outer appearance and yet they glow. So I want to say thank you. Thank you to the people out there who genuinely try to do good things, because you bring beauty in my life. Thank you to those who truly are confident in the way you look and the way you live, because you make me want to be more confident and know that I am worth it all. Thank you to my parents who have taught me to follow God and above all be true to my beliefs and my standards. Thank you. As for my goal, did I achieve it? Yes. Did I obsess over it? No. In fact I didn't work out or even worry about what I ate... funny enough the baby weight just came off because of nursing. Do I want to eat healthy and exercise to stay this way? Sure! We need to take care of our bodies and be healthy, but above all we just need to live a balanced life and if we choose to be happy then we genuinely WILL be HAPPY. I hope this post wasn't too deep or personal, but hey... I felt like I should share-- so I did. :) I love you all.

Here are some pictures of me and my family at my uncles Super Food Café called "Cafe upgrade"-- Love it! We love to be healthy and it brings happiness all around. Also some pics from my brother, Robert's birthday yesterday.

Celebrating my sweet Uncle Nathan's Birthday at my Uncle Matt's Superfood Cafe

Nate, Robert, & Matt (Nathan loves to take pictures!)

Goji Berry & chia seed Lemonade! Was pretty intense

All organic lunch

Brooklyn's Great Grandma

Brooklyn's Great Grandpa

Shopping at City Creek for Rob's bday

Robert picked out some sweet new shoes! Love the kid

My Mom LOVES being a Grandma

Brooklyn is making the cutest faces lately

Yummy Cold Stone cake

Happy 22nd baby bro. LOVE YOU

1 comment:

  1. CHILLS!!! I love this. And I love you. And I'm so glad you're the human you are!